fractured...

i have to learn to live without you; failing each time teaches me how much i love you...
Florescent lights lit up my two-room apartment. Clinking of empty wine bottles deepen the silence of the shadows that are cast upon the whitewashed walls. Shadows of different shapes communicate with each other...they feel the void, the desperation of my urge flowing through my veins tearing me apart. It is impossible for me to tell everything in a single sentence...cluster of thoughts and visions occurring and reoccurring at the same time. My phone lay dead at the corner of my bed waiting to feel alive once more. We both wait like hitchhikers ready to jump upon a lonely car in a dark deserted road. Like a robot, I do my daily jobs. My mind is glued to the phone. Every moment kills a budding hope.

The phone never rings.

i have to learn to love without you; failing each time teaches me how much i live you...

what is the purpose of our life? What is the purpose of our existence? Is it merely to follow a certain age old structure built out of emotion and intellect? Is it just to follow a set of rules and keep on following them till we breathe our last? On a certain day a million men and women reach their 90's. More than half of them had spent their lives going to office and coming back at a known time, watching television, having sex and thinking that they have achieved love or something like it. Each of the million souls think, rather love to think that they are unique in their own ways, and they somehow manage some glory to fall on their life path from somewhere. The question is still there...what is the purpose of our existence? Isn't it just a physio-chemical reaction of certain things and above all evolution that we are what we are. The DNA is gathering information generations after generation. We do certain acts and these go through generations. We fight and create and love and hate and suffer just to amuse ourselves...we love to think that each one is unique, yet hate the other whenever we can afford! Just as birth is a biological phenomenon, so s ofeis death.In between, the mind creates illusions that offer comfort. And it is all for the self, where i love you is actually i love myself, i hate you is also a harsher way of saying i love myself. A million 'I's thinking each one is the important thing at the same time. We are always rushing to prove our brilliance. Ego satisfaction is guaranteed once you are born human! We love to say the words - God! he is a looser! Demeaning oneself to satisfy the self ego, this creature is the human being, the one standing above all. again the question- what is the purpose of this? Earth is a place where a man getting a kiss from a beautiful girl and a man dying out of hunger happens at the same time. In both cases, it hardly matters to a third person who is, say for example, sleeping and to a fourth one who is writing the last lines of a post in a blog. What is the purpose of all this? what are we reaching at? I don't have the answers.

God knows!